Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Great Borrowed Post: "Do I Think About It?"

I was going to post another clip of Sweet Pea doing something cute or talk about her therapy or school or something, but I came across this post and I think it says something much more important. 

Runningmama says it so well...
"So the topic or the question for tonight is...Do I still think about Down Syndrome a lot?  "Nope...not really" would be the overarching answer.  Of course, in the early days DS consumed my every thought. I was drowning in a big pool of "what-ifs" and "how's" and all the other questions for which hardly anyone ever has an answer...at least not a very comforting or acceptable answer in that moment.  Now, on a daily basis, I go about my routine just as any other mother would and don't give it much thought because I am much too busy keeping the clothes washed, the house in "acceptable" condition, and the kids happy and fed. Although I will say that if Emily happens to be playing with another child of the same age, I notice it.  I notice the beautiful conversations she is having with her mother, I notice the way she can run and jump without a second thought.  And...for a moment I allow myself to grieve for just a little bit...just a second, enough to acknowledge that yes, I felt it and now I need to move forward.
Moving forward is what allows me to feel joy when others might feel overwhelmed.  Emily's life is beautiful, and I do not want to waste more than a few moments thinking about who she would be if she didn't have Down Syndrome.  I did enough of that when she was first born.  I am choosing to look ahead and to enjoy Emily for the precious child she is, just like I enjoy Ethan and Chase.  They were each created to be exactly who they are, and I plan on enjoying them that way...just like they enjoy each other!"

It's true that I don't think about DS very often in our regular routine.  However, I do notice the large gap in communication skills between Sweet Pea and her peers and it does make me sad.  Sad for how hard Sweet Pea has to work to achieve everything that she has and everything that she will.  That same moment of sadness is also filled with pride in knowing how hard she does work and all that she has accomplished and will accomplish.  I find myself feeling those two simultaneous emotions all too often, but it is SO much better than how I felt when she was born and I am very very very happy for that.

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